Dance Macabre

This is pretty awesome. For any of you "Prisoner" fans out there.



"Dance Macabre" by Carmel Morris

Grace Amidst Pain

Most of you who read my blog already know what transpired this weekend, but I thought I would write about it, simply because I have explained the situation to so many people already this week, but have not had time to really talk about my experience. I don't recount any of this to incite a pity party or simply to make you feel sorry for me. I just want to be able to explain to anyone who cares what actually happened, and to process this experience.

It started on Friday evening when my sister, Jane and I went out to dinner. I have suffered from chronic acid reflux in the last few years, but it has never been serious enough for my doctor to have any major concerns. When we began eating, I felt extremely normal. But after a few bites I began to feel the familiar burning sensation in my throat and immediately ran to the bathroom, where, on a normal day, I simply pace about until the burning subsides. This was not a normal day however. I will spare you the grotesque details, but needless to say I vomited. A lot. And experienced a pain level for the acid burning that was entirely new to me. I tried to drink some water from the faucet. My body simply rejected it. Thankfully there weren't a whole lot of people in the restaurant who needed to use the bathroom. I was in there for a full half hour. It finally began to settle and I was able to rejoin my rather anxious party. I found my glass of water still sitting on the table. I wanted so badly to drink it, but fear of repeating the scene I had so recently concluded prevented me at first. However I eventually summoned the courage and took a sip. I was alright. I thought that the worst had past. I soon realized that I was actually quite hungry because I really hadn't had anything to eat. We drove to downtown Brea to see if we could catch a movie, but the stupid theatre had awful show times. We walked across the street to Coldstone Ice Cream, where I convinced my sister to buy me a "second dinner." What a horrible choice I made just then. Not only to try and eat again so soon, but to guilt my sister into spending money she couldn't spend. The first few bites were fine. But then the burning and pain followed. It was happening all over again. I asked the girls if we could just go home, and they readily agreed. After about another half hour, the pain died down, but it remained minimally; flaring up once in a while. When I went to bed, I couldn't sleep. I finally couldn't stand the pain any longer and went and woke up may dad at about 2 am. He went out to the store and bought some Maylanta, hoping it would help. Once again, I couldn't keep the Maylanta or water down and my dad decided it was time to take me to the emergency room.

Even at 3 am, we still had quite a wait to get into the ER. Although, admittedly it was a Friday night/Saturday morning. Need I say more? Anyways, we sat in the lobby for a while, mindlessly watching the lobby television as it played one of the worst movies ever to waste film: "Anaconda II." But, at least it kept me preoccupied. When I was finally ushered into a ER room, the nurse came and gave me some more Maylanta with some Lidocaine in it to help reduce the acid and dull the pain. However, once I drank it, it immediately and exponentially magnified the pain. The doctor arrived soon, realizing how much pain I was in and that I was dehydrated, ordered an IV and some morphine. Although I am not frightened of needles, I have never had an IV before, and so the idea made me somewhat nervous. But, once the needle was in my arm and I was given the morphine, it didn't seem to matter. I immediately began very tired, dizzy and the pain seemed to subside. About forty minutes later, they brought me some water to see if I could drink it, and once again, the pain returned. Thankfully, so did the morphine. After another shot of Maylanta (which I still could not keep down) they brought a new anti-acid drug which they attached to my IV. After another hour, I felt so much better. I was able to drink water without discomfort. Hurrah! Soon afterwards I was released. It was 10:30 am. I must say, before I conclude that my ER doctor was a very nice, considerate and helpful man. I appreciate all of the care extended by both him and the nursing staff.

Although, it was not exactly the best weekend ever, I am grateful to God that it wasn't something for more serious that would have required more immediate and drastic action (because it could have been). I am grateful for the ER staff who were all very helpful, attentive and compassionate. I am grateful for my sister and for Jane, who were both so understanding of my situation and willing to sacrifice most of their Friday evening to afford me some comfort. I am grateful to all of my loving friends at school, Church, theatre, and home group who have so diligently prayed for me this weekend. I am grateful to my dad for sitting up with me at all hours of the morning, taking me to the ER, sitting next to me and making fun of "Anaconda II" in the lobby, and holding my hand when I would go through a spasm of pain. Thank you Lord for the situations in our lives that may not be pleasant (or may even be extremely difficult) for us to live through, but help us to recognize the grace and love you extend towards your children, and to recognize the support of the friends and family around us who truly care for us. Thank you God for the moments of utter joy and contentment, but also for times of trial and pain. We need not fear. You are there.

Captain's Log.

Star date -314818.0783242258 (and yes, this is the real star date for March 7, 2008 at 2:00 pm [even though blogger says its 3pm, its actually 2pm...]). I have never really been into the idea of "Star Trek:The Original Series." It always seemed so overdone and almost... if I may say it..... plain stupid. I was also under the impression that those who enjoyed "Star Wars" (I count myself among that number), were always the mortal enemies of the Trekkies. I was wrong. My parents had tried to introduce my sister and I to the show when we were younger, but I must admit that I failed to recognize its true genius. Recently I discovered you can watch full episodes online at CBS's website, and so one day I just decided to watch one. It was absolutely amazing!! The show can be both comical and dramatic, and always somewhat predictable. But its predictability almost doesn't seem to matter. The ingenuity, the characters, and even the often campy plot lines, make the show wonderfully fun and enjoyable to watch. So to all of you out there who think you are too good for "Star Trek", maybe you should think again. I did, and now I am officially a Trekkie.
:)

Classic Comedy Genius

What can I say? I love old films. I love their charm, beauty and wit. I also have a special place in my heart for classic comedic films. The genius of the Marx Brothers, of films like "Some Like it Hot," "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World," and "Arsenic and Old Lace" cannot be paralleled. For those of you who read my blog but have not had the opportunity or inclination to see such films, here is a small taste. I hope you will be able to appreciate the utter genius of all of these scenes and that they will inspire you to see the films.

From "Some Like it Hot":


From "Duck Soup":


And from "Arsenic and Old Lace": (this scene is somewhat long, but Cary Grant is fantastic)

Ho-ho-homoousias

I saw a link to this on one of my favorite blogs. I thought I would share. I hope you find it as profound and meaningful as I have. Enjoy and Merry Christmas. May the season bring you all possible joys.

"Words, words, words"

Every time I come to write something for my blog, I seem to get a severe case of writer's block. I have so many ideas and thoughts that float through my conscious mind but whenever I sit down and actually try to write them out, the words always appear to die before they reach through my fingers to the computer keys. I'm not sure if this is a very good habit to form, and so I am endeavoring to break it by simply writing and attempting to express my reflections in intelligent conversations with others. Often times I struggle to compose my thoughts without first expressing them through spoken language. By talking out loud, I am forced to understand the concepts first, form a viewpoint and flush out any fallacious ideas before I begin the actual writing process. And although I am not always afforded this luxury, I am extremely grateful for any opportunity when I can employ this method. I began to think about all of this during the course of yesterday evening. How amazing is our Creator, that He has endowed in us an ability to not only reason and emote, but to then be able to communicate those thoughts and feelings to other immortal souls through language? I just finished reading Frankenstein , and I was struck by one curious topic that arose. In all of the campy, melodramatic, and often faulty renditions of Frankenstein produced throughout the years, the monster always seems to communicate through a series of groans or moans before he rushes fulfill his "animal" desires by murdering another innocent human being. However, in the novel, through months and even years of painstaking effort, the monster learns the language of men and becomes so eloquent that he is able to persuade Victor Frankenstein that a female companion must be made to afford him any happiness in a world that otherwise abhors his presence. Why did so many adaptations neglect to give him the power of speech? I mean, isn't that exactly what it is? Power? The monsters in all of the bad Saturday matinee movies are rarely given this faculty, alienating them from anything that even appears remotely human in an attempt to make them more frightening and remove us from sentiments of pity or compassion. However, when Frankenstein's monster speaks in a tongue recognizable to human ears, doesn't that make the situation somewhat more frightening? But then why is this more frightening? Perhaps it's because we recognize that a man has unlocked the key to existence and given life to a being, defying all of the natural and moral laws, and yet that being is able to experience and communicate feelings and ideas that are characteristic of mankind and even appears to possess a soul. As I read Frankenstein, I felt compelled to pity the monster as he related his tragic tale and his simple desire for companionship and love. But each time Frankenstein himself would provide prospective by relating the horrifying details of another of the monster's blood-thirsty and vengeful crimes. Isn't it simply amazing how our attitudes can shift with such celerity? One minute we watch Boris Karloff moan as he tosses a young girl into a lake, and we simply shutter at the grotesque spectacle, but the next, with the simple addition of spoken language, we pity and are almost inveigled by the monster's eloquent speeches. Should we feel pity for Frankenstein's monster? a living being created through man's skill yet in possession of what appears to be a soul? In the end, the monster doesn't seem to think so. But I'm still not sure. Perhaps I still need to think about it and discuss it some more....

O Blogge, Where Hast Thou Gone?

I haven't posted in a while. What to say? Well...

I auditioned for the "Spotlight Awards" at the Dorthy Chandler in LA.

I went and saw a production of Fools. Makes me laugh.

I think Candide is a rather naïve and shallow character.

"We're so alike. Only your hair is so much shorter than mine."

I started college applications.

I'm drowning in sea of essays and forms.

*gurgle.... gurgle*

I watched The Terminal last night. I remembered how cool Kaminski is.

I started Henry V. I LOVE SHAKESPEARE!!!!!

I love my dog. She is fuzzy.

That is all for now. Must be more creative.... cogite...cogite....

It is well

I think it was on Saturday when the director at my theatre company delivered the devotion to the cast. Although I had already heard this hymn before (and knew the background information concerning its conception), I was reminded once again of the powerful love of God to bring peace, even in times of trouble. I can't even fathom having lost five of my children under such tragic circumstances and then writing something so profoundly moving and amazingly powerful. Thank you Lord that you do indeed bring such indescribable peace to our souls!

It Is Well With My Soul
Text: Horatio G. Spafford
Music: Philip P. Bliss

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

(Refrain)

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

(Refrain)

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

(Refrain)

But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!
Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!

(Refrain)

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

(Refrain)

Homer Buddies

Yesterday I spent all morning reading the "Odyssey" until I went to a voice lesson in the afternoon and then a play rehearsal in the evening. I must say that I am really enjoying the the "Odyssey," and am ashamed to admit that I am enjoying it more than the "Iliad" (they are both works that are necessary reading for the well educated individual). However, when you have been trying to read parts of the "Iliad" out loud to yourself and it takes you a half an hour to get through two pages while you struggle with the slew of barely pronounceable Greek names, you might become slightly tired of reading it too. I kid. The "Iliad" is truly a masterpiece of Greek literature and certainly poses many interesting questions concerning the nature of heroism, honor for the dead, the roles of women within the ancient society and so much more. Awesome food for thought. Go gorge yourself.

Anyways, I got up yesterday morning and went to the red chair that sits my window and I opened the blinds to let the glorious sunshine in. I sat down and began reading where I had left off the day before. Maybe about five pages into reading, the dog happily trots in and contentedly lays by my feet. I pat her for a while, all the while continuing to read. Suddenly the dog gets up and trots out of the room, shortly returns only to paw at my chair as if to say "Silly human. This is my chair. GET OUT!" I firmly answered with a "No Emma" determining not to pay her any more mind. Suddenly the dog jumps up onto the chair and makes herself comfortable on my lap. Luckily she is a rather small dog, otherwise this could have been a potentially painful experience. She settles down and promptly falls fast asleep suspended on my lap. I place my book precariously upon her stomach and continue. She lay there for about 45 minutes, occasionally looking out of the window, which would then cause my book to go cascading down the slope of her stomach causing me to loose my place. My dad walked in to say good morning and found this rather strange yet humorous sight. He looked apprehensively at the dog. I declared emphatically, "She is my Homer buddy today."

Me....

hard at work at one of my dad's video shoots. Can you guess what I was doing?

Oh, I'm sorry, you didn't answer in the form of a question. The answer was "What is keeping time code?" :)

The Deeds of Mercy

Well, last night I went and saw an excellent production of The Merchant of Venice performed by the "Shakespeare by the Sea" company. Every summer "Shakespeare by the Sea" chooses two Shakespeare plays (usually a comedy and a tragedy) and travels to different oceanic cities around Southern California for six weeks giving quality performances absolutely free. I must admit I was somewhat apprehensive about going this year after being quite disappointed by their performance of Hamlet last summer. However The Merchant of Venice turned out to be quite enjoyable. Despite never having seen the play in its entirety before, and only having read portions of the text itself, I already had an appreciation for its characters and plot. Before I continue I must commend the actors who played Shylock and Antonio, who were both excellently cast and convincing in their roles as the bitter Jew and the unfortunate merchant.

Here is Antonio and Bassanio making the agreement with Shylock

Here is Bassanio winning the hand of the fair Portia.

In addition to enjoying the play for its quick wit and gripping plot, Shakespeare presents a rather interesting and important theme of mercy. Early in the play, the merchant Antonio agrees to a bond with Shylock wherein, if he cannot repay his debt, he will be forced to surrender a pound of flesh from any portion of the body Shylock so desires. When Antonio's shipments are lost, he is unable to repay the bond and must submit to its gruesome requirements. During the climax of the play (Act IV Scene I) Bassanio's wife Portia (unbeknownst to him) arrives at the court disguised as a man to act as Antonio's lawyer. She tries to convince Shylock that he should show mercy:

PORTIA
Then must the Jew be merciful.

SHYLOCK
On what compulsion must I? tell me that.

PORTIA
The quality of mercy is not strain'd,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath: it is twice blest;
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes:
'Tis mightiest in the mightiest: it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown;
His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings;
But mercy is above this sceptred sway;
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings,
It is an attribute to God himself;
And earthly power doth then show likest God's
When mercy seasons justice. Therefore, Jew,
Though justice be thy plea, consider this,
That, in the course of justice, none of us
Should see salvation: we do pray for mercy;
And that same prayer doth teach us all to render
The deeds of mercy.

Yet, despite this eloquent speech, Shylock stubbornly demands the letter of the law to be carried out. Portia then plays to Shylock's thirst for justice by pretending to wish an ill fate upon Antonio. However, she warns Shylock that the agreement says nothing of Antonio's blood and that if a drop is extracted, Shylock may be condemned to death. In despair, Shylock must beg for mercy and is forced by the court to forfeit half his lands and to become a Christian. In this scene it is interesting to notice Shylock's demand for the exact letter of the Law and his wish only for justice instead of mercy. One may wonder though: did the court really show Shylock true mercy? and can you really force another person to change their beliefs by simply demanding that they do so? When an individual becomes a Christian, a change of heart is necessary for true conversion. One may claim to be a Christian and maintain the outward pious appearance, but without repentance, they remain unchanged by the grace of God. In Romans, Paul asserts this when he proclaims, “For he is not a Jew who is one outwardly, nor is circumcision that which is outwardly in the flesh. But he is a Jew who is one inwardly; and circumcision is that which is of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the letter; and his praise is not from men, but from God” (2:28-29). Just as one cannot be a Jew by claiming to be so without any belief, one cannot be a Christian by solely proclaiming to be one out of fear, but must also have a profound sincerity of heart coupled with a proclamation of faith. Just some stuff to think about.

The speech Portia gives is exquisitly beautiful. The Bard was indeed a very brilliant and wise man. Man's mercy is indeed a slight fraction of the true power of the mercy of God. Humankind is enslaved in a bond much like Antonio, but with much graver consequences. In the end, we do not shed our own blood, similar once again to Antonio, because Christ has already paid for the bond through His mercy, His own blood. Though God is just, He is also merciful, for He offers us the opportunity of eternal life.

Thank you William Shakespeare for giving me so much food for thought.

Thomas Aquinas Prayer

A Prayer for the Virtues

O Almighty and all-knowing God, without beginning or end, who art the
giver, preserver, and rewarder of all virtue:

Grant me to stand firm on the solid foundation of faith, be protected by
the invincible shield of hope, and be adorned by the nuptial garment of
charity;

Grant me by justice to obey thee, by prudence to resist the crafts of the
Devil, by temperance to hold to moderation, by fortitude to bear adversity
with patience;

Grant that the goods that I have I may share liberally with those who
have
not, and the good that I do not have I may seek with humility from those
who have;

Grant that I may truly recognize the guilt of the evil I have done, and
bear with equanimity the punishments I have deserved; that I may never
lust after the goods of my neighbor, but always give thanks to thee for
all thy good gifts.

Plant in me, O Lord, all thy virtues, that in divine matters I might be
devout, in human affairs wise, and in the proper needs of the flesh
onerous to no one.

And grant that I may never rush to do things hastily, nor balk to do
things demanding, so that I neither yearn for things too soon, nor desert
things before they are
finished.

Amen.

(sorry for not posting a lot recently, but I'll be back to posting more regularly soon)

Happy Fourth Everyone!

In spite of my wish to be more profound about the Fourth of July, I thought I'd let Fred do the talking with his feet. Enjoy!!!

And Flopsy's Glad Too....

Aren't you Flopsy?



I definitely love these Monty Python sketches....

End of the Year Reflections

Wow. On Friday I finished my third year of high school. I still can't believe that I am done..... YAY!!! It has definitely been a memorable year. My third year in Latin, my first year of the Ryman program, "Dracula vs. the Lochness Monster with Ninjas," my first lead role at BYT as Mrs. Higgins, and last but not least, I finished my third and last year of Torrey Academy. I cannot begin to express how grateful I am for this program. It has changed me in so many ways. I have grown as a student (reading some of the greatest literature), as a person (learning to think and discuss articulately with my peers), and as a Christian (through contemplation of many of the texts and devotions). All three years have taught me so much in their own ways. For the last two years I have been privileged to have the same Torrey tutor, Mrs. Anderson. To you Mrs. Anderson, I just want to say thank you so much for all the knowledge and guidance you have given to all of your students. We will all dearly miss you. And to my class, Gabrielle, James, Christina, Kyle and Julia:

you guys have been so awesome and I am so grateful to have know you these last three years and I pray that as you go off to college that you continue to seek the Lord and His will for your lives. Thank you for all of the laughter and even the moments of heated disagreement :)
On Friday night our entire class attended the Torrey Banquet to celebrate our successful completion of the year. The student musicians were very good, MK and Kyle, you guys rock! and the food was actually pretty good (for banquet food). It was also a very exciting night. Both Julia and I won term paper awards! She won second place for the Faith of Our Fathers papers and then I won the "Aston Moffat Excellence in Scholarship" Award for my last term paper about the poet Petrarch. (in case you are wondering, Aston Moffat is a character from Charles Williams great work "Descent into Hell" who is a true scholar, compared with Wentworth, who could honestly care less about any sort of scholarship). It was so exciting and such an honor! I thought I was going to pass out I was so surprised. When they called my name I could barely believe it and I only moved from my seat once my fellow classmates began prodding me. :)
Anyways...
Thank you guys so much for everything. I will miss you.

W. Rabbit's House

For one of my final projects of the year was to build a themed miniature garden, so I chose Alice and Wonderland. At first I had planned to do an all-encompassing sort of Wonderland theme, but then I decided to narrow in my focus a little. I must say that the results were pretty awesome. I built both the box and the house (with some assistance) and then I painted the house and painstakingly thatched the roof with pine needles that my mother and I gathered from planters in front of our neighborhood Vons.


I also made the rabbit on the front porch. And I'm not sure if you can see it clearly in any of these photographs, but I added an arm in the window (Alice's). :) I'm really happy with how it turned out.

'Sup

My dad an I were driving home from USC yesterday when we drove to Del Taco to pick up something to eat. I ordered my usual meal of two burritos and a quesadilla, but my dad decided to order a meal (which consequently comes with french fries). When I was unwrapping the food in order to find the items I so anxiously longed to devour, an avalanche of small packets of ketchup came spilling into my lap. I paid no heed and began shoveling them back into the bag when I flipped on of them over and read: "Del Taco's Fancy Ketchup". May I venture to ask what qualifies ketchup as fancy? This may seem like a really stupid question... but I would like to know if anyone knows or has a guess. No reason. Just curious. :)

A Sonet for a Sunday Afternoon

A Sonnet: Burning (by Me)

Such loving hands define thy gentle form,
Each mark inspired by gentle God above,
How many lives each thought then did transform,
Full tales of noble chivalry and love.

How long they sleep in darkest corner hid,
Forgotten, through once loved by each man,
Restored to former glory like “El Cid,”
Though Time’s tiered mind has come and ran.

New shadows creep across the darkened sky,
Good friends laid waste and naked on the pyre,
Remorseless hands strike out, as they all cry,
E’er lost within the all consuming fire.

Bright tongues lift high and angry crimson glows,
The blood-like ink from which a river flows.

hehe

I laughed so hard when I found this that I nearly passed water through my nose!!

Yeah......

Blessed Easter!

Hallelujah the Lord has risen,
Jesus, You have conquered the grave,
Lift your voices, shout the good news,
Great is our God and mighty to save!!!